What Hurts the Most
by Irish Valkyrie
Summary: The final battle is over and now Hermione must come to terms with a life that doesn't include her other half...or does it? HH


**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything Harry Potter. Nor do I own the song—that's property of Rascal Flatts.

**What Hurts the Most**

_by Irish Valkyrie_

Hermione sat on the large overstuffed chair in the empty family room, twirling her wedding band around her finger. A fire was roaring in the grate, but she wasn't paying it any attention. The house was eerily quite and it made her uncomfortable, but it was _theirs_ and so she would stay in it.

Rain lashed against the windows as if determined to gain her notice. The room was lit periodically by flashes of lightening. She didn't even jump when thunder boomed directly overhead. She was too caught up in her memories. Unbeknownst to her, the weather was mirroring the turmoil in her mind.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,_

_That don't bother me_

Tears began to run down her face and she clutched the pillow tightly against her stomach in a futile effort to lessen the pain. God it was tearing her apart from inside.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while_

He was gone. Two stupid words, a flash of green light, and the love of her life had been ripped away from her. He had been her protector, her confidant, her best friend. Later he had become her boyfriend, her lover, and then her husband.

_Even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

She tried to act as if everything was okay and when people asked her how she was doing, she replied with the standard 'I'm fine'.

They knew it was a lie as much as she did, but she couldn't possibly say anything else. To admit she wasn't okay would mean accepting that he was truly gone—and that was something she just couldn't do.

She pretended to accept his death, but deep down, she refused to believe it. And it was slowly killing her.

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay_

_But that's not what gets me_

She had known him for six years, six. And in that time, she had become closer to him than any other person on the planet. She knew his every thought and feeling, every nook and cranny of his body and mind. She had loved him…she still loved him.

Hermione felt her heart tearing as his image floated into her mind's eye. There was so much more she longed to tell him, but she would never get the chance. She had watched him walk away from her, across the battle field, to play his part in a war that no one thought they would win.

Well, they had won…and lost many lives in the process. He had been just one of many, but he was the one who mattered to her. Hermione sobbed, unable to control the terrible pain ripping her up from inside.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you _

_Is what I was trying to do_

She tried to go on with her life, but every face she saw brought memories of him. She had gone numb long ago, as a way of dealing with the pain of his loss.

_It's hard to feel with the pain of losing you everywhere I go_

_But I'm doing it_

His friends always stopped to see how she was doing. She would force a smile, nod, ask about their family, and then continue on her way. All along she was dying inside.

_It's hard to force that smile when I see your old friends and I'm alone_

Life itself had become a chore. She used to love reading and learning and simply going for a walk to smell the roses. Now, she just plodded along. The world had no color, no vibrancy, no life…at least not for her. Reading was no longer her passion and learning was pointless when he wasn't there to share it with her.

_Still harder: getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret_

_But I know if I could do it over_

How she wished she could see him one more time. Just once. She would tell him she loved him, like she should have done before the battle.

_I would trade them away for the words_

_That I say in my heart_

_That I left unspoken_

The rain was still pounding against the windows, and the wind was rattling the shutters. Hermione leapt out of her seat with a new determination. Her raincoat and boots were in the front closet by the door. She had to see him. She couldn't take this pain anymore.

_What hurts the most_

_Is being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you _

_Is what I was trying to do_

The grassy hill was slick with rain and she stumbled half a dozen times before finally gaining the top. Three grave stones were briefly silhouetted by a flash of lightening. She sank to her knees at the foot of the newest of the three.

It was a large white marble construction. Fresh flowers had been placed there recently, but the storm had wilted them. Suddenly, the moon broke out from behind the clouds and Hermione could read the name on the stone.

**Harry James Potter**

"**The Boy Who Lived"**

"**The Man Who Fought"**

**1980-1997**

**_May no one ever forget what he sacrificed for us._**

Hermione collapsed into a sobbing heap at the foot of his grave. Rain ran over her, soaking her to the skin. She pounded the ground, furious at the waste of such a young life. She raged at the world, screaming her anger to the night sky.

Finally, she was exhausted and stretched out beside his grave. The baby in her stomach kicked, irritated with all his mother's movements. Instantly, she placed her hand against her swollen belly, seeking to calm her young son. He calmed and she went back to reminiscing about his father.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowing_

_What could have been_

_And not seeing that loving you _

_Is what I was trying to do_

"I loved you Harry. Didn't you know that? Why did you leave me?"

She paused as if actually waiting for a response. Tears filled her eyes and the name engraved on the tombstone wavered. They hadn't even found his body. She guessed that was why she'd never come up here before. To her, this wasn't where her Harry was. This was just an empty coffin.

"You promised me that you'd never leave me alone. You _promised_! Why Harry, God Why? I can't deal with this Harry. It hurts so much."

Another pause, though she knew he wouldn't answer, would never answer.

"And what am I going to tell James? 'Sorry sweetie but your dad died before he even knew you existed'? Yeah, that will go over really well, especially if he's anything like you."

"You left me Harry. You left us. I never did tell you that I loved you. I was so scared that if I did it really would mean that you weren't coming back. Looks like it didn't matter. You didn't come back anyways. And I'll never know if you loved me."

_And not seeing that loving you _

_That's what I was trying to do_

Hermione stood slowly, one hand on her stomach to calm her son, the other brushing the strands of wet hair from her face. She looked at the gravestone one last time. James, Lily, and Harry. She wondered if one day she and her son would be buried on this same hill.

"You left me Harry," she whispered. "And I _still_ love you."

"That's good… because I never stopped loving you," said a deep male voice from behind her. Hermione whipped around so fast she would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't caught her.

She couldn't see his face, but she didn't need to. Her body recognized him instantly.

"Harry?"

"Hello love."

He pulled her tightly against him and was startled to feel her pregnant belly.

"Hermione?" he asked, clearly surprised.

She nodded, uncertain if he could see the movement in the dark.

"How old?"

"Seven months," she said. "And it's a boy—James."

He laughed in delight and Hermione felt so free she could fly. Harry was here and he was hers.

"Merlin, I've missed you so much," he said, burying his face in her hair. He breathed in her scent deeply and though he'd die with happiness.

"God Harry." She was crying fiercely now and holding him in a death grip. "Don't ever leave me again. Ever."

"I won't," he said. "Voldemort's gone now. I won't ever leave you again. I won't"

He swung her up into his arms. "Time to get you and my son home. I don't want you getting sick."

"That sounds perfect," she said, snuggling tightly against him, still refusing to let go.

"I'm going to love you all night long Hermione. And I'm never letting you go."

"That sound's beyond perfect."

"I love you," he said. "Don't ever doubt that."

"I won't," she said. "Never again."

**A/N: **Well, what did you guys think? I kept hearing that song on the radio and just had to come up with a story to fit it. I really was going to have Harry stay dead, but I just couldn't do that to poor Hermione. That would have been evil. Plus, I have a thing for happy endings. _Pauses to think about something—Which explains why I don't like Romeo and Juliet._ Sorry, just thinking. Anyway, go ahead and review. Flames are welcome, but I prefer good reviews (who doesn't).


End file.
